The Legend of the Cheese Weasel

Tuesday, April 2nd, 2019

CheeseWeasel-01A Story by Chris Forbes. Illustration by Hannah Hanzel

Once upon a time, on April 3rd probably in the 90’s…we’ll say in California because that’s where weird stuff comes from–a magical thing happened.

Jack and Diane two young kids who were doing the best that they can working as tech workers were walking in a park near Silicone Valley. At least Diane was doing the best that she could. Jack was having a little trouble empathizing with people who didn’t understand the complexities of technology.

“I don’t know how you do it, Diane,” Complained Jack. “I try to be a good tech support, but I just don’t have your patience.”

“It’s easy, Jack,” Diane replied. “Remember I told you never use the phrase, ‘we’re currently experiencing a high call volume please go away I am making a sandwich.’ Instead say something like, ‘your call is very important to us.’ THEN go make your sandwich.”

Just then a tiny figure darted by them. “What could it have been?” you may ask. Well, I’m glad you asked… It was a weasel carrying something mysterious in its mouth.

“Did you see that, Diane?” Jack asked.“Do you mean that weasel carrying cheese?” replied Diane. “Yeah! I saw it too, Jack!”

“Well, you don’t see that every day!” Jack exclaimed. “Let’s follow the little guy! He seems to be heading to that office building over there.”

“Shhhh!” said Diane with a hushed, tone. “It looks like he’s going into the IT department.”

Jack and Diane slowly crept past the shelf with action figures, through the corridor of mysterious tech gadgets of old, and finally into the IT command central.

“He’s gone!” exclaimed Diane, “Oh! But look! He left cheese under all the tech workers mouse pads.”

“Oh my!” said Jack as he scratched his head in confusion. “The weasel left cheese in the video studio too and under the all the designers mouse pads as well.”

“Oh, I get it,” said Diane with a grin. “He must be the Cheese Weasel! You know, he leaves cheese for the good tech workers!”

“How in the world do you know that, Diane?” asked Jack.

“Because, Jack, he didn’t leave you any cheese!” Diane proclaimed with a smirk.

And thus began the legend of the Cheese Weasel. People say he comes and brings cheese to good tech support workers every April 3rd. But it’s hit or miss. Some workers get cheese, others, like Jack, get a practical life lesson about customer service.

The End!

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Don’t Use Cheese as a Weapon!

Friday, March 15th, 2019

Pro Tip: Throwing cheese on the face of your tech support is not as funny as those baby videos make it seem.

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A Visit from the Cheese Weasel

Thursday, March 14th, 2019

A Cheese Weasel Story by Rob Callan

‘Twas the Third day of April, when all through IL,

No employee was stirring, not even Noelle.
The mousepads were polished and dusted with care,
In hopes that the Cheese Weasel soon would be there.

At home, all the devs were still snug in their beds,
While visions of pepper jack danced in their heads.
And back at IL, though I hate early rising,
I’d just settled in for some spec-based revising.

When o’er in the pantry arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my cube to see what was the matter.
Away to the hallway I flew like a flash,
And kicked down the door to our sugar-food-stash.

The luminous buzz of fluorescent-style lighting
Served well to enhance my early-morn sighting.
When, what to my sleep-deprived eyes should appear,
But a fidgeting rodent, scratching his ear.

He sputtered and belched, like a truck pow’red by diesel,
And I knew right away this must be the Cheese Weasel!
He was covered in fur, from his head to his claws,
And befitting his office, held Kraft in his jaws.

A bundle of queso he’d flung on his back,
And he looked like a fieldmouse nibbling a snack.
But the pose was deceptive, for the victuals he bore
Would soon be passed out to the teams on both floors.

Incisors so pointy! His eyes, how they glistened!
His breathing was raspy and quick, when I listened.
Dairy-a-curdled was this creature’s game!
Cheese was his passion! He called it by name:

“Ricotta! Manchego! Feta and Brie!
Cheddar and Swiss—all beloved by me!
Munster and Gouda! Parmesan! String!
Feeling run down? Gorgonzola’s the thing!

“In the wee hours of April the third, I distribute
Gifts to nimble employees who work to contribute
Their talents to building a program that pwn’s
All opposers who sell in their market-share zones.

“A yellow Kraft single is what I will leave
‘Neath mousepads worldwide each Cheese Weasel Eve
The cheese is intended to lighten the load
For groups who bust humps to deliver clean code.”

He spoke no more words, but turned with a jerk,
And headed to where the Production-folk work.
Hefting his cheeses, he dropped off a slice
At the desk of each artist or dev who’d been nice.

Audio, QA, Writing, Design,
Got a KraftY Reward from this weasel benign.
He paused at Geoff’s desk with some hesitation;
Weighing Geoff’s merit (which was now on probation).

“Come on!” I said, “Weasel, leave poor Geoff alone!
He’s worked like a dog! Throw the brother a bone!”
“Fine,” said the rodent, “He should count himself blessed,
‘Cause I’ll give him a slice—just like the rest.”

The weasel completed his nocturnal mission,
Leaving no trace—no chance of suspicion.
He sprang to an air duct, scaled up the side,
Pried open the grill, and scrambled inside.

I got all morose as I watched him retreat.
Without Weasel around, I’d feel incomplete.
But I heard him exclaim as he scurried away
“A good day to all! Happy Cheese Weasel Day!”

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Gird your curds, kids! It’s that hot new sound from across the sea in the land of Yarg and Wensleydale. The amazing Pete Zolli brings you the Cheese Weasel song like you have never heart it before. And just in time for Cheese Weasel Day 2018! Please share it and don’t forget to tag it, mates! #CheeseWeaselDay

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Cheese Weasel Day 2017 is Almost Here!

Tuesday, March 28th, 2017

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Next Year Remember to celebrate on Monday April 4, 2016!

Thursday, April 9th, 2015

Cheese Weasel Day is celebrated the following Monday if the 3rd falls on a weekend. Remember to say thank you to your tech support & celebrate on Monday April 4, 2016!

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